The Unsinkable brian cork™

Brian Patrick Cork is living the Authentic Life

not all Zombies are real or good

August4

Or… How only Brad Pitt can make a Zombie movie into a political grandstand.

seriously… not all zombies are good. this is probably more relative to movies.

I intentionally threw you off just like Marissa Mayer does with Yahoo!

…what ever… here is my point:

a few months ago I stunned, you, and collectively, with my brilliant insight(s) around Brad Pitt’s World War Z. read about that here: zombies are not the only Walking Dead do it!

…and, yes. I’m discussing zombies on a Sunday! try and be rational about this… zombies don’t care what day it is. its just always lunch time.

in some respects it’s pretty good. the movie is fun to watch. but, it was all about Brad’s character – whats his name. that’s not-so-good (…see? it inspired me to use the word “good” in successive sentences. it failed to inspire me). I still resent the fact that Pitt and his crew lifted the title of Max Brook’s book, lied to the rest of us, and made an entertaining motion picture.

Pitt’s version of World War Z can stand on its own merits. there is innovation that results in a thrill ride on the iMAX screen. that said, I deeply resent the notion of fast, and in this case really fast, zombies, because it tanks my entire thrival strategy (“thrival” because I plan to kick hellacious ass).

however, the Pitt adaption lost its greatest potential for my admiration once I understood it arrogantly dispensed with the original book’s central conceit. for me, the best part of Max Brook’s World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War is it’s faux journalistic approach that had its protagonist traveling the globe collecting realistic stories from survivors of the zombie pandemic that we could relate to, and genuinely care about. in fact, the audio book version is all the better (you can get it on Amazon or even iTunes). the voice actors bring to life images that even the Brad Pitt movie could never equal in terms of pathos and edge-of-your seat excitement. the tight narrative jumps between characters from the earliest days of the plague in China to a (not the) triumphant victory for North America in Yonkers New York. the separate stores weave to form a complete picture of how mankind adapts to the apocalypse and creates a new world that can never forget what brought it to the brink of extinction.

…oh yeah… so, Max Brooks makes us think of the Jewish nation with World War II. perhaps Pitt was trying to dance around that. however, he absolutely twisted and distorted the Jewish element into an utter fiasco. so, I believe that was intentional. he definitely avoided the whole China issue, and probably for purely commercial reasons.

meanwhile… read, better yet, listen tot he Max Brooks book. you get more for your money.

I like Brad Pitt. and, I appreciate how he leverages his fame and fortune as a philanthropist. but, when it come to Zombies, Pitt is Max Brooks’ bitch.

peace be to my Brothers and Sisters.

brian patrick cork

vanessa hudgens gets sucker punched naked

March17

I meant for this post title to be provocative.

just like the story below is meant to be stupid and misleading. we, collectively, should expect naught else from actors with low self-esteem and media that feeds the assinine frenzie.

New photos of VANESSA HUDGENS, which appear to show the actress completely naked, have leaked online.

it’s both amazing from a process perspective, and as a commentary on our society, that words like “naked” and “punched” generate big numbers when it comes to Search Engine Optimization (“SEO”). in fact, I’ll tag this post with both words and be curious to see how many hits I get.

A third set of nude snaps, allegedly featuring Hudgens, were published on various websites on Tuesday morning.

The High School Musical star’s good girl image was first tarnished in 2007 when provocative pictures of Hudgens first appeared online. Last year, Hudgens was left red-faced again when new snaps circulated on the web.

Sources say whoever leaked the photos this time is trying to sabotage the star’s career. The untimely scandal arrives two weeks after Hudgens’ film Beastly hit U.S. theatres March 4th, and just before her next movie release, Sucker Punch, hits U.S. theatres on March 25th.

so… inching forward, this post might not be taking form like you want to expect.

my eight year old, Emma Jo, saw an advertisement for Beastly and recognized that it was, indeed similar to Beauty and the Beast. she reminded me that the “beauty” was lucky because the “beast” “…is a good dancer…”

I doubt either Emma Jo, or myself will actually see Beastly. but, I’m hopeful Ms. Hudgens gives the retelling of a solid parable a worthy effort. the choice of direction for her career, in that regard is more promising than troubling.

I’m not so sure about Sucker Punch, though. it’s writer, Zack Snyder has described the film as “Alice in Wonderland with machine guns”, including dragons, B-52 bombers and brothels. the imagery is rather stylized like The 300 (the ultimate guy film), and Watchmen. I want to see Sucker Punch, but not because of Hudgens. I want to see dragons, derigibles, zombies, explosions and Scott Glenn being a wise man (with both a samarai sword, and a straight face).

I’m skeptical that someone wants to “sabotage” the movie career of Hudgens – unless that “someone” is herself. she had to pose for those naked pictures right? she also had to be hanging out with “someone” that took the pictures, had the power, and lack of character, to post those pictures on the internet. and, she had to consciously choose not to learn some form of lesson from the first time all this occurred back in 2007.

or, maybe she did learn a lesson. those pictures of her nude are excellent advertisements for, what might be, provocative story-lines and content in both the up-coming movies. if she follows the career advice of other self-flaggelating actresses like Paris Hilton, no PR is bad PR, eh.

my challenge remains to try and keep my own daughters focused on a different path. Haley Anne, at fourteen, sees young women like Hudgens making a lot of money, wearing gorgeous clothes and dating Zak Efron, and the only trade-off is a decidedly different kind of character development than preparing for a movie. to be fair, it’s feasible that Ms. Hudgens can separate her person from her public personnae, and the internet exploitation is rationalized as being only business. but, I wonder what she is going to tell her own kids when they Google her.

I knew Robert Downey, Jr. (Iron Man) back when we were both kids and in our mid-twenties. I was more often than not surfing and playing volley ball off the strand in Hermosa Beach, California and he was already making “interesting” moves both on-and-off screen. but, he was clear with his objective to laugh all the way to the bank. somehow, it’s all different when it comes to girls. so, I write about these things that weigh on my heart, shoulders and sense of responsibility as a citizen and father.

I’m also torn in business this week. I just helped one young entrepreneur secure seven million dollars ($7M) for a venture, rallied a long-time investor and friend of mine, Jack, to keep up the good fight even though young people are disappointing him everywhere he turns, and I just got punked by a young, eighteen-year-old entrepreneur I took a HUGE chance with my local reputation on the line. after only thirty days of coaching, he told me his team really only wanted me “…for my rolodex”, I was “slowing him down”, “things were not going as fas as he thought they should”, and, “…if [he] needed business advice he would go to his Dad (who has never been involved with start-ups in his, otherwise, storied career)”. I still think he is a good kid, and we have to be allowed to make mistakes. I’ve made some (really) big ones, despite great mentors. but, it’s only Thursday, and this has been a really whacky week.

I am really looking forward to soccer practice tonight with my U10 Shockers and the U14 Breakers (that’s another story I’m trying to get straight in my head). however, God is all over all of these touch-points.

I find myself searching for baring points. and, maybe I can’t help everyone (well… I actually, probably can, and do. some times some people just don’t like what they hear). many people are going to become great examples of Laws of Natural Selection. he’s certainly sucker punched himself. perhaps that is what what God is telling me through one humbling episode while also getting an opportunity to be taught other lessons by my Emma Jo, Jack and another young man who is making me (and hopefully his investor, proud) in terms of perspective.

I’ve long maintained that God’s greatest gift to us is discernment. I don’t want to debate the Christ element. whether He rose from the dead or not, his example remains “the gift that keeps on giving”. but, discernment allows for perspective and offers a foundation. and, in my case I’m thinking “example”.

I am determined to do my best work with anything and everything I do. it’s the vital difference between being pleased, and being satisfied. often the difference between success and failure. people from around the world seek my guidance. I can’t help people that won’t help themselves. Ms. Hudgens is an example of what I don’t want my daughters to be. one way or another that young entrepreneur is going to be an example of something, and it will be a lesson for many other people I work with over the next seventy years (I expect to find myself, at one hundred and twenty (120) years of age sitting outside of a Starbucks in China guiding some young champion. one day he’ll be annoyed because I fell asleep with an venti ice chai in my hand. but, I’ve actually faded to black – but, doing the thing  love almost as much as I do my daughters – helping great people make good decisions). I intend to be an example and baring point for my family, friends any generation of people that want or need a beacon.

why me, you ask?

I’ll let God sort that out. He gave me the tools, and the will and discernment to use them. I’m no ark. but, I believe in a covenant with everyone around me.

peace be to my Brothers and Sisters.

brian patrick cork

 

God's Toy Story

September29

I’ll warn you now… A certain and extremely popular movie’s story-line will be spoiled if you continue to read this post. However, along the same line-of-thinking you’ll likely need to watch the film to make sense out of this post, altogether. Oh… And, maybe have some awareness around the Bible, Dante (Inferno) and God, in general.

There is the movie Toy Story brought to you by those hearty and ferocious cinemeisters (I made that up!) Pixar. But, there are also two sequels (that did very little for Tim Allen’s acting career). But, as well-received, and, and lofty, I’ll add, as the original effort was, and remains, the third film in the Toy Story series is the most dogmatic to date. In fact, it’s the story of mankind’s relationship with God, and our collective position relative to the way beings, human, and otherwise, relate to the almighty couldn’t be more clear (to me any way). It could be argued, and I will, that the script may as well have been written by John Calvin himself.

God, cast as God (or, Andy):

God, or the God, in this movie is referred to as “Andy” to throw off the less focused. The film begins as God (heretofore: “Andy”) is preparing to move on to a new universe (rather like Babylon 5 and the “Old Ones”), leaving behind the realm he has long ruled. Andy’s current universe is populated with toys that he has loved and cherished throughout a period of his existence (consider my prior post: How Long Is Seven Days?), and before he can leave he apparently has to decide what to do with them. Although why God has to do anything, other than be satisfied with what he’s both wrought, and set into motion, is not made clear. To wit… He has four choices: he can take them with him to his new domain; he can hand them over to a different god [small caps because there is, in my current view, only the one almighty] (so okay, maybe the script isn’t as Calvinist as I laid-claim to above); he can consign them to a purgatory also known ominously as “the attic”; or he can send them to …Hell. He chooses the third option for all the toys except his favorite, Woody, with whom he is well-pleased. So, we also have Paradise Lost, in play (well past the Adam and Eve part, mind you).

Woody, the Arbiter (in form, if not name):

Woody is a sanctimonious prick who spends his entire life reminding all his colleagues of Andy’s greatness and infallibility – and, generally bossing people around like a fifth grade hall-monitor. When Andy decides to send the rest of the toys to purgatory (heretofore: “the Attic”), Woody supports Him totally – and, we can reasonably assume that had Andy decided, instead, to send them straight to Hell, Woody would be quoting Romans 3:10 /1 as justification, and telling them to suck it up because the ‘potter can do whatever he wants with his clay’ […].

All that said, and thusly, nonetheless, when, by mistake, the mother of Andy (work with me, here, because this obviously deviates from any context of the Bible) sets the toys on a path towards Hell, Woody sets-out to save them.

But why?

Is it because he’s concerned for his people (all Moses-like), or because the (or, a) law as established by his Lord has been interfered with? I think it’s probably the latter, because Woody is a dick (just like almost every power-hungry fifth grade hall monitor you ever met).

The Other Toys, cast as “the Fallen”:

When the toys realise that they’re destined for Hell they (understandably) become rebellious and elect to reject Andy and go off to find other gods (just a reminder, this would be children) to, in effect, serve. Woody remonstrates with them, telling them they should remain faithful, and that it was all a mistake; but under the leadership of the female temptress Jesse (naturally a Barbie Doll with Eve-like qualities, and who shall realize redemption), the others won’t listen to him. As far as they’re concerned whether their deity has abandoned them to Hell or Purgatory makes little difference; the issue is that they’ve been abandoned, while Woody has not. So, the rage is thusly, tinged with jealousy, as well.

The plot gets really interesting when they arrive en masse at a kind of Paradise for toys; a place where they will be played with all day long (which after all, is what they were designed for), Woody is still in the throes of righteous indignation, and insisting that they return to Andy’s house, and get themselves up into Attic-that-is-Purgatory, where they belong, while he waltzes off to whatever earned and exciting new place Andy is making for. However, the other Toys choose to ignore him, looking forward to a new life of hedonism… So, there is the Pinnochio element here, as well.

And this, of course, proves to be their downfall. The loss of grace, or the perception thereof, as it were, is so devastating, eh.

Lotso Bear

The paradise they think they have discovered, and will ultimately lose, is in fact ruled by an atheist! This dark angel is an evil, strawberry-smelling bear who has rejected all gods and has set himself up as a mortal god on earth. He’s a pink furry Joseph Stalin (I’ll need to revisit the film, but I coulda sworn he was referred to as “Uncle” at one point. How apropos.).

In any event, the message is clear: if you reject the god that owns you, you have only yourself to blame if you end up being tortured in a totalitarian gulag.

The film could have ended here, but audiences may have been left with a view of God as cold and unconcerned with his universe, so the story carries on with rescue and redemption promised and gamely [sic] afoot. All the while, Woody continues his righteous quest to be reunited with his Master, but then he gets distracted by feelings of compassion for his friends. Foolishly, it would seem, he tries to help them, not realising that by attempting to interfere with destiny he’s only going to make things worse.

Woody’s fateful efforts lead the toys to the very precipice of Hell (oh, the inferno!), which they only escape by means of a ludicrous plot device (that also serves to remind us that this is a children’s first movie). The atheist Lotso, of course, who has by now been exposed and proved his evil atheist character beyond a doubt, is not so fortunate, and is consigned to an eternal punishment direct from the mind of Dante.

And as it should be, once the atheist villain has been disposed of, the film can end nicely with the redemption of not only foolish Woody and the ungrateful toys but also Andy, who is finally shown indulging his merciful side.

And you, that collective you, can make your way from the cinema, or possibly the comfort of your home state-of-the-art theaters, comforted in the understanding that God is great after all, possibly fair – and, made relevant today by his easy interpretation on the silver screen.

…at least to Pixar, anyway. According to Wikipedia.org, The film is currently the highest-grossing film of 2010 in the United States and Canada. /2

Peace be to my Brothers and Sisters.

Brian Patrick Cork

_________________

1/ As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one“.

2/ The film is also the highest-grossing film of 2010 worldwide. In July, it surpassed Finding Nemo to become Pixar‘s highest ever grossing film at the North American box office. In early August 2010, the film became Pixar‘s highest-grossing film worldwide, and surpassed Shrek 2 as the highest-grossing animated film of all-time worldwide. In late August 2010, Toy Story 3 became the first ever Pixar film and animated film in history to make $1 billion worldwide. It is currently the 5th highest-grossing film worldwide of all time.

A story, and an epic one at that, within a story, to be sure.

biblical inspiration with a vicious twist of the neck

August14

I’m certain we, that collective we, liked (and, still enjoy) the movie Pulp Fiction (1994) for a broad-range of reasons – all cause celebre.

I appreciated Quentin Tarantino allowing us a vehicle that kick-started the career of Samuel L. Jackson (“Jules Winnfield”) and also re-started the acting careers of John Travolta (“Vincent Vega”) and Bruce Willis (“Butch Coolidge”). I value the ironic humor with it’s numerous pop culture references and extensive use of homage (look for an example below for extra points). But, for me, the best part was the eclectic dialogue. And, supreme amongst all that witty prose was the Samuel L. Jackson character Jules’ liberal use and interpretation of Bible verse as a preamble to his murderous violence. Notably this passage:

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

Jules ritually recites what he describes as a biblical passage: Ezekiel 25:17, before he executes someone. We hear the passage three times – in the introductory sequence in which Jules and Vincent reclaim Marsellus’s mysterious light emanating (and never explained) briefcase from the doomed Brett; that same recitation a second time, at the beginning of “The Bonnie Situation”, which overlaps the end of the earlier sequence; and in the epilogue at the diner.

That being true scripture is Urban Myth and Legend. In fact only a select few words and/or phrases used in his speil are generated from the true scripture. For the sake of clarification, the following is the accurate scripture as presented in the bible (this is not me saying the Bible is accurate):

“I will carry out great vengeance on them and punish them in my wrath. Then they will know that I am the LORD, when I take vengeance on them.” – Ezekiel 25:17

So… My point is that I like creative and nimble prose. I also enjoy senseless contrived cinematic violence. And, as luck, or providence, if you will, would have it, the Bible is chock-full of ass kicking – and, is often a great cinematic source.

As a result of this, a sporting handful of ebullient buddies and I rallied our own witts and have come up with the following cocktail (many of those were also involved, as were Fat Tires and Modelo Especial’s) of bon mots that liberally leveraged Bible verse to promote violent contextual imagery….

Examples:

Exodus 2:11

“One day, after Moses had flowered into Manhood, he went amongst the people, where his own people gathered, and there, watched them at their hard labor. He saw an Egyptian beating down upon a Hebrew, one of his own people. Glancing this way, and then that way, and upon seeing no one of merit, Moses killed the Egyptian, thusly raining vengeance upon him, and hid him in the sand”. – Optimistic Gentlemen

Sure, Moses was a great leader, an emancipator of his people – and, a prophet. Most people don’t know that he also was the Biblical equivalent of Splinter Cell‘s Sam Fisher, a well-honed killing machine, able to slay from the shadows bereft of pity or remorse. Martin Luther King may have had a dream, but Moses had a body count.

Picture the movie scene: An Egyptian soldier is wailing on a hapless Hebrew when Moses, clothed head-to-toe in black, drops down from the ceiling. Moving with cat-like grace, he sneaks up behind the soldier and, taking his head in his hands, snaps the man’s neck with one savage twist. As the lifeless body slumps to the ground, Moses lights up a cigar. “Well,” he muses dryly, “looks like someone bit off more than he could Jew”.

[…pause…]

…I refuse to even pretend to be apologetic for that. And, I’ll stand firm in my belief that my Jewish brothers Marc Lewyn and David Taylor-Klaus, Prudent and Optimistic Gentlemen, to be sure, would slap their thighs with me.

II Kings 2:23

“…From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road under the yoke of his God, he came upon some youths come from town and jeering him. ‘Go on up, you baldhead’, they said upon him. ‘Go on up, you balhead’, they said unto him again, and repeatedly. He turned around, and upon them in turn, looking upon them with disdain, and in reply called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the nearby woods and mauled forty-two and six of the youths”.

You’ve  been there. I did not say I’ve been there. But, we’ll assume you’re walking along, minding your own business, when a gang of cocky, young bastards start hurling abuse at you. Most of us would just keep walking, or maybe, yell some insults back – or, flip them the bird (example of homage: multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger). Elisha (commonly regarded as the Luke Skywalker to the Prophet Elijah’s Obi-Wan Kenobi), however, decides to take it one step further. Invoking the name of God, he summons mother#@*&ing bears to come and claw the @#%& out of them.

You can always count on an ill-timed digression in-and-amongst my blog posts. And, we’ll pause here without exception, and offer this for consideration:

Christians are constantly asking for prayer in schools to help get today’s kids in line. However, we beg to differ in terms of potential tactical options. We clearly need bears in our schools. Public schools, private schools, probably even home schools. If every teacher had the power to summon a pair of child-maiming grizzly avengers, you can bet that schoolchildren nowadays would be the most well-behaved, polite children, ever. It’s a simple choice: listen to the biology lesson, or get first-hand knowledge of the digestive system of Ursus horribilis a-la God himself.

It should be pointed out, as we meander our way back to Elisha (he is such a bad-ass that he struts around with a girls name along the lines of Johnny Cash’s Don’t Call Me Sue), that even after his death, Elisha continued to kick major butt. II Kings 13:20-21 tells us (loose interpretation, here, mind you) that when a dead body was thrown into his tomb and touched Elisha’s bones, it sprang back to life (we’re not clear how the corpse manages this, but we can’t explain the mysterious briefcase in Pulp Fiction either). It’s unknown whether Elisha had this power in life, as well as death, but we like to think he did, and that he had the habit of killing his victims with bears, resurrecting them, and then promptly re-summoning the bears to kill them, again. He’d just repeat the whole thing over and over until he got bored. That’s what we call sending your enemies to endless hell. Never mind purgatory. Pure bear-chomping, endless, hell. This is a terrific foundation for both a action-oriented gore-movie and video-game spin-off.

Ezekial 23:19

“…yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the dyas of her wayward you and away from the eyes of her God, when she was a lowly prostitute of high reputation in Egypt (naturally). There, she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of  donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses”.

NOTE: We’re giving Kent most of the credit for that one.

And, I’ll warn you now… I’m departing from my typical gentile self and indulging in some striking rude and graphic language, here. Just run with me around this one. But, you’ll also have to participate and utilize some creative word-smithing for full effect.

To wit…

Contrary to what you may think, the Bible has never shied away from talking about sex. In fact, the entire Song of Solomon is clearly dedicated to describing a couple enthusiastically honoring God, complete with lines like: “I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers”. This verse, in, or out, of context, is particularly explicit, though, possibly informing us that Egyptians are hung like farmyard animals, and can ejaculate in quantities to rival the annual flooding of the Nile.

All this imagery is crucial from a socio-historical perspective. It’s relevant to intellectualista’s and movie-buff’s alike because there is perspective of the human dynamic. Keep in mind, the Egyptians were the Jews’ former slave masters and are the bad guys in this particular story (okay and most Biblically-oriented stories). So, you know their reputation for supreme endowment was well earned when the worst their enemies could say was, “Go on! Go back to those big-cocked bastards! We hope you’re pleased with their enormous [insert creative college inspired descriptor].”

It should be noted that those swaggering old Egyptians didn’t exactly run from their reputation. Egyptian ruins are littered with statues like Min, the god of huge dong-having (in the spirit of the original intent of this blog post, this just might remind you of a certain 1980’s teen favorite movie). They even invented the phallic obelisk to advertise it (picture the Washington Monument, that just happens to be an obelisk). That was their statement to the world: “Gaze upon our [insert creative college inspired descriptor] tower and despair.”

I’ll reckon that this carefully interpreted passage creates a problem, certainly a challenge, for many new Bible readers. I’m also going to take some serious heat from my Christian brothers. Oh, really? However, once you’ve read this, it is impossible to go back and read the above referenced story-oriented Bible verse depiction of Moses killing the Egyptian guy the same way. This is verily the stuff of Pulp Fiction. When it speaks of the Egyptian beating the Hebrew slave, you have no choice but to imagine Moses turkey slapping the man (look it up). If anything, however, it makes Moses’ deadly intervention all the more justified.

I have a call into Quentin. I’m thinking Tim Roth, or even Samuel L. Jackson, playing the role of Moses. I’m as yet unclear if we go space opera like Star Wars, Post-Modern or Black Comedy. Neo Noir is certainly a possibility.

Peace be to my Brothers and Sisters.

Brian Patrick Cork

Biblically-Oriented Chuck Norris FUN FACTS:

1. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

2. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this mans blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

3. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.

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What’s All This About?

"What am I looking at?", you might wonder.

Lots of stuff.

Meanwhile, here, I discuss events, people and things in our world - and, my (hardly simplistic, albeit inarticulate) views around them.

You'll also learn things about, well, things, like people you need to know about, and information about companies you can't find anywhere else.

So, while I harangue the public in my not so gentle way, you will discover that I am fascinated by all things arcane, curious about those whom appear religious, love music, dabble in politics, loathe the media, value education, still think I am an athlete, and might offer a recipe.

All the while, striving mightily, and daily, to remain a prudent and optimistic gentleman - and, authentic.

brian cork by John Campbell





photos by John Campbell

 

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