The Unsinkable brian cork™

Brian Patrick Cork is living the Authentic Life

dark Darwin humor


seal eats penguin

so… the poor little dude got all dressed up for this? if penguins only had permits to carry guns, these things wouldn’t happen.

peace be to my Brothers and Sisters.

brian patrick cork


french are practical and damn silly Basterds


I believe this will be the result of a French-led investigation into the tragic incident that is Air France 447.

After more than two weeks of analyzing flight records, cockpit radio transmissions, and floating ocean debris, investigators will determine that the tragic events of Air France Flight 447 were in all likelihood caused by a “giant plane crash.”

This shocking discovery, will be announced during a planned press conference that finally sheds light on what took place in the early hours of June 1st, and answers a number of puzzling questions about the mysterious mid-flight disaster.

I can picture the actual opening announcement:

“We can now say, with complete confidence, that Air France Flight 447 was brought down by an unscheduled and unforeseen plane crash,” lead French investigator Michel Villon stated. “Indeed, a survey of all the evidence indicates that this terrible tragedy was the direct result of a large airliner falling suddenly from the sky, dropping 30,000 feet, and colliding with the Atlantic Ocean at extremely high speeds.”

So French – and, so very practical.

This is not me poking fun at a tragedy. However, this is me poking fun at the French (whom I admire more than I despise – and, you must have a love/ hate relationship with the French to fully appreciate them).

We probably won’t ever know what actually occurred because the planes back box is deep in cold waters. Or, until someone makes the movie that is then referenced in Wikipedia, and the mythology takes on a life truth of it’s own.

This is me setting the stage for a post I am preparing around Lance Armstrong, The Tour de France and, of course, the French (and, dopey doping officials in particular) who recently stated that they plan on “…paying very special attention to Lance Armstrong”, but they will be fair (as long as they finally succeed around their assinine efforts in tormenting, distracting and discrediting Armstrong).

“First, France’s sports minister says Armstrong will be “particularly monitored” in anti-doping checks at the Tour de France this year.”

You can read more about his here, and watch a video as well!

To know the French is to love the French. To love the French is to hate the French. Once you have mastered hating the French, you know them well enough.

Peace be to my Brothers and Sisters.

Brian Patrick Cork


Beware the blind menace! Hapless or Hoax?


Citizens, hear us well. Our great nation is being undermined by a secret society of individuals who carry deadly white truncheons and lead vicious attack animals in public on a daily basis. These mysterious folk also have a secret means of communication, while shocking new evidence seems to indicate that they may even possess senses superior to those of other humans. We’re speaking, of course, of the legions of the so-called blind.

Let’s assume for a minute that we swallow this “blindness” hoax in the first place. If these people are somehow bereft of the gift of sight, how does that explain the works of Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles and Ronnie Milsap? How could such men possibly play music if they were blind? What do they take us for—ignorant saps?

The first issue I must point out is their very public display of armed might. Every individual laying claim to sightlessness carries a cudgel on their person at all times. These “canes,” as they call them, are supposed to help them feel their way along. They are painted white, almost as if the bearer wished to remind passersby of its presence, and the weapon’s tip is painted a chillingly suggestive red. Those who have studied the mysterious fighting arts of the Orient know that such sticks may be wielded with deadly force by those with skill. In a surprise attack, strategically placed squads of the “blind” could quickly overwhelm our police forces.

Their fearsome nature encompasses more than just personal weaponry. Many of the alleged blind also own large, vicious attack dogs for the supposed purpose of guidance along city streets. With one word from their scheming masters, these slavering “guide” dogs could become guided missiles!

Indeed, most of these fearsome beasts are German shepherds, a species of killer wolf invented by twisted, Fascist dog breeders, which has somehow fallen into this most suspect faction of the disabled.

The most frightening aspect of this diabolical conspiracy by far is their ability to communicate with one another unbeknownst to upstanding citizens. Their secret code consists of a series of raised dots cunningly arranged into arcane shapes. Known as “Braille,” this demonic alphabet has begun popping up in places that were doubtlessly chosen for their mundane, everyday outward appearance: elevators, building directories, automated teller machines and the like.

This system seems rational enough, and does not attract undue attention. But think! If the messages on the signs changed suddenly, how would we know? Next year, next month, next week, maybe even tomorrow, the signs will change from “second floor” to “STRIKE NOW! STRIKE HARD!” and our nation will be thrown into the chaos of revolution.

At this juncture, there is no hard evidence that the blind are planning such a revolution. We hope to have such evidence very soon. But can one group possess such an overwhelming element of surprise and fail to use it to seize power? And can their goals be anything but evil?

No, I say! I maintain that true blindness lies in failing to see the threat where it must obviously lie, and we must be vigilantly wary of the blind menace.

Peace be to my Brothers and Sisters.

Brian Patrick Cork


What’s All This About?

"What am I looking at?", you might wonder.

Lots of stuff.

Meanwhile, here, I discuss events, people and things in our world - and, my (hardly simplistic, albeit inarticulate) views around them.

You'll also learn things about, well, things, like people you need to know about, and information about companies you can't find anywhere else.

So, while I harangue the public in my not so gentle way, you will discover that I am fascinated by all things arcane, curious about those whom appear religious, love music, dabble in politics, loathe the media, value education, still think I am an athlete, and might offer a recipe.

All the while, striving mightily, and daily, to remain a prudent and optimistic gentleman - and, authentic.

brian cork by John Campbell

photos by John Campbell


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