The Unsinkable brian cork™

Brian Patrick Cork is living the Authentic Life

The Jeep Wrangler is the new Porsche 911

August25

corks big bad ass Jeepthe Jeep has turned-out to be a bit transformational.

it’s all part of being ready.

I am now part of a “culture”. it involves the special Jeep “wave”. maybe that’s a sub-culture. if you’re not part of it I suspect it’s viewed as a subversive culture due to one of the fact that it’s exclusionary, by definition.

JEEP actually stands for “just-empty-each-pocket” because there is a lot you can do to make your “rig” more cool.

oddly, but not really, I don’t mind careening down the road in the rain getting wet because I can’t be bothered with the full top, because the bikini top makes the rig so much more striking, and Jeeps air out and dry quickly. its a Jeep.

that said I’m exploring options for a “pop-top” version of a hard-top. I think I’ve found a solution that was part of someone else’s efforts that failed. I’m trying to get my hands on a mold that I believe I can then get into the hands of a dude that used to shape surf boards for me. if this all plays-out like I’m hoping, I’m in the Jeep aftermarket business.

meanwhile, I often meet about a dozen executives, and leaders by any definition on a weekend morning at my Starbucks (its also referred to as “Corks SBUX in this neck of the woods). we are generally in agreement that the 4-Door Jeep Wrangler is the “new Porsche 911″. in fact, over the past three weeks, four more have appeared in the SBUX parking lot. we are an insufferable lot. several of them want to invest in the hard-top concept. stay tuned.

in any event, I refuse to put a “Life is Good” sticker or rear wheel cover on the rig. however, I will likely place something VERY goofy sticker on it like “Zombie Hunter” (surely you are  fully aware that I’m distracted with the whole zombie apocalypse thing : http://www.unsinkablebriancork.com/2013/08/04/not-all-zombies-are-real-or-good/).

I bought a three foot axe to keep in the Jeep in the event of an zombie attack.

seriously.

…well… kindjeeps can roll over porsches of seriously. I’m also keeping myself quite fit (I bragged to Tom Lech last night at The Union Restaurant that I ran six miles and biked forty yesterday) in the event I simply need to run like hell (but also called into action for one of The Expendables movies).

it should be noted, so, I’ll do it here, that zombies are the best imaginary enemy because they let you indulge in psychotic fantasies while still pretending to be the good guy. you’re not a demented serial killer, you HAVE to slaughter your way through the crowds of people you see every day! except they’re all brain-damaged and incapable of teamwork! that’s less sporting than an ice hockey team versus a figure skater, and even more fun. but it’s only fun because, like all daydreams, you only imagine the good bits. very few people daydream about their own failures and pointless unnoticed deaths (and those that do are safely channeled into reality TV).

by the way…

don’t use Kung Fu when faced with the inevitable zombie(s), or youth sport parent mob:

Why it’s awesome:

anyone who doesn’t enjoy a Resident Evil movie is an idiot, because they knew exactly what they were getting into before they watched it. the movies’ mission statement is “Milla Jovovich improbably kicks all zombie ass,” and they stay so true to that statement they even have her kick zombies to death despite that being stupid and impossible. this is because in the Resident Evil world those are both synonyms for awesome.

for example, Milla goes up against a dead security officer armed with only a cocktail dress. her first response is to shove both her bare fists at its biting mouth, then leap two meters straight up and jam her leg in there too.

either she’s trying to confuse its mind by giving it too many limbs to choose from, or she’s forgotten that Milla doing splits only stuns living men. luckily we’re more than five minutes into a Resident Evil movie by this point so physics has already given up and gone home – which is why the standing jump-kick shoves the zombie twice her mass five meters back (to death), instead of bouncing Milla off the door behind her into its open mouth.

But… Now you’re a zombie because:

if I have to explain why shoving your naked flesh into a zombie’s face is a bad idea, go right ahead. your intelligence is so low you’d slow even them down, giving the rest of us more time to escape. so, now I’ve added my optimistic views of why the Laws of Natural Selection work for me. even an abrasion would have you “T-virused” and rotting, although Milla’s okay – the one thing the movie got right is how she’s a genetically superior being.

NOTE: I don’t care if you are confused by this deviation from Jeeps, how they relate to Porsche’s, into Zombie shit.

I figure if I’m sporting a Jeep and an axe, I’m in good form. I can run, I have really cool friends. most of us understand the Laws of Natural Selection, and we completely appreciate how it’s not really about zombies.

its more about being ready.

peace be to my Brothers and Sisters.

brian patrick cork

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2 Comments to

“The Jeep Wrangler is the new Porsche 911”

  1. Avatar September 14th, 2013 at 2:03 pm George Landolt Says:

    Why are you writing less often?


  2. Avatar September 18th, 2013 at 7:44 pm Brian Patrick Cork Says:

    Taking a lesson from your own Blog and experiencing life in a way that lends itself to some worthy stories.

    - Cork


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