“Our very life depends on everything’s Recurring till we answer from within. The thousandth time may prove the charm. — That leaf! It can’t turn either way. It needs the wind’s help. But the wind didn’t move it if it moved itself. The wind’s at naught in here.” – Robert Frost
That excerpt from Robert Frost’s Snow was lobbed at me recently.
My immediate thought was (seriously): ‘If necessity is the mother of invention’, then change must be the fuel for growth. Otherwise, if we forget vital lessons, we are always doomed to repeat the past.
I just mashed a few lines-of-thought together. And, I am good at that. Now this presents a possible endless loop. And, the phrase: “Chinese maybe” keeps popping into my head.
I know the necessity element is oft quoted. So, is the business around lessons. But, I can’t remember if the fuel part is. So, perhaps I made that up. If not, I freely give credit to anyone who wants it – or, better yet, life and nothing less than rich experience gave birth to it.
Can any, or at least, some of this, possibly make sense to anyone other than myself? “Doomed” is a relative term here. Because the past isn’t always bad. But, resting on our laurels very well could be. It should be. And, making mistakes is okay. I have made HUGE mistakes. However, it’s only the mistakes we repeat that undermine growth. Otherwise we just keep doing (repeating) that which is easy or comfortable. That can’t be good. At least this is what my heart and gut are telling me daily.
I can’t put my finger on it (the words it and they are so confoundingly nebulous and ponderously overused – and, I fear make me lazy, even here, as I struggle for the right contrivance) just yet; however, sometimes I wish I could drive my clenched fist through many things. But, change is afoot. I think it’s good progress. But, certainly required direction.
My relationship with Joanne must be different. And, it can, and will, be better. How I reflect and represent my own Raison d’etre /1 is clearly morphing. My view of the world, and my escalating role in it is growing. Hell, even my perspective on how I coach my daughter Haley Anne and her Shocker teammates (certainly, and now clearly, a hardy and ferocious crew) is evolving.
I am stubborn and willful by reputation and preference. Yet some how I eke out growth through my own keen desire to work through people. I only feel like I am at my best when connected to others and they recognize and achieve goals. If I feel disconnected I realize that sense of drowning. Some times, worse yet, that scene from Kill Bill II when Uma Thurman’s character is buried alive rears itself.
So… Where am I, and who am I in-and-amongst all of this? When do the mutants come pouring out of the sewers to ravage the media-deadened world? Am I ready to be the hero?
I just played with Rowdy in my offices (he just likes to crawl into my lap and lick my face; that won’t change even though he will likely grow to 85 lbs.), and that simple break, and change of circumstances, allowed my mind to free up, and it occurred to me that it’s the fear of not realizing my best potential that drives me every day.
I like that.
All of this keeps me on my toes, and requires that I recognize my flaws, and allow others around me to recognize my struggles, and applaud my own growth. I will always see myself as the underdog that needs to try harder than everyone else. Ironically, most people tell me I make success and life appear simple if not easy. That makes me think of Erol Flynn (Captain Blood, Robin Hood, Sergeant York – all brilliantly flawed heroes) on several levels. So, more about that later.
It’s my roll in life; my reason for being; to be flawed, and to fight, and strive. In doing so, I can then hope to reflect and represent an ideal of what I and others around me can be.
Meanwhile, lets fire up some John Fogerty (it’s been awhile since I found myself singing) and But, also, go find John Wesley Harding’s rendition of Like a Prayer (think Madonna – but much better). This requires some effort because it’s not to be found on Youtube. However, it’s worth it.
Peace be to my Brothers and Sisters.
Brian Patrick Cork
1/ Raison d’être is a phrase borrowed from French where it means simply “reason for being”; in English use it also comes to suggest a degree of rationalization, as “The claimed reason for the existence of something or someone”.